anonymity, or lack thereof, in "the pink ghetto"
“When I reason it out I don’t feel guilty about what I’ve done. I was having lots of casual sex before anyway. I would go out on a date and hook up with some guy and not even enjoy it that much. So why not get paid for what I was doing anyway? And I do feel like it’s an honest living like any other, a service provided. The only thing that bothers me, when I think about it, is that now I have a secret so deep that I can never tell anyone. That someday I may have a lover or a soulmate, someone I want to share my life with. And I will never, ever be able to tell him.”
Confessions of a College Callgirl
I’ve been thinking about sex writing, sex work, and the intersection of the two in the blog world lately, after reading the wonderful new-ish blog Confessions of a College Call Girl, Lux Nightmare’s Sexerati essay series, “The Pink Ghetto,” and Audacia Ray’s thought provoking post about her ambivalent relationship with academia and sex work. For those not in the know, the “pink ghetto” is the new catchall for employment at the periphery or sexual respectability—the ambiguous, stigma-filled position one experiences when their work is pigeonholed as “NSFW” and is marginalized or dismissed as a result. As Audacia playfully notes, some of us “waltz” into the Pink Ghetto, with nary a second thought about the lost political opportunities we’ve left behind, conservative relatives we’ve embarrassed, and sexually vanilla acquaintances we’ve alienated. As I’ve never particularly cared for having “Senator” accompany my name or dreamed of a spot on The 700 Club, I gleefully hopped, skipped, and jumped into the world of sex writing and sex editing myself.
Yet even a ghetto amenable to waltzing is still a ghetto. And as a privileged middle class white girl, I can get away with pushing the envelope in a way that others maybe couldn’t. And this probably fucks up the metaphor a little bit, but this is a ghetto with layers. Heck, this blog is eponymous, and I’ve always been “out”—and so has Lena Chen, Miriam Datskovsky, Rachel Kramer Bussel, Jessica Cutler, and Julia Baugher Allison. But are any of us call girls? Some of us pose nude online and have cameos in porn movies featuring cleavage ‘n cupcakes, but none of these broads have ever (as far as I know!) schtupped dudes for cash. In other words, it’s Generally OK and Accepted™ to write about sex (even though it sucks when yet another blind date assumes you’ll blow him because you blog). But to actually attach your name, in public, to the world’s oldest profession? I can’t recall a blog in which someone attached their Real Name™ to sex work—even Belle de Jour, the fabulous author who has become famous for writing about her johns, is famously attached to her anonymity.
I don’t mean to come down on Confessions for not revealing herself. Christ, the Internet is scary enough to blog on without putting out personal info, and there are a lot of wackos out there who would love to get their hands on a loquacious former call girl. Yet what’s fascinating about Confessions is that contrary to Lifetime portrayals and the annals of Jerry Springer, this chica is not some down-on-her-luck tenement squatter with track marks on her arm and a jonesing for blow. After all, most people think whores couldn’t possibly be doing what they’re doing without drugs, homelessness, or a wailing baby to coerce them. Instead, she’s a regular co-ed who is frustrated that she can’t afford the Good Life like her rich friends, who took on sex work because “giving head is something I’m really good at.” She lists her reasons so breezily I can imagine her post as a brothel cover letter. Jeeze, it’s almost like sex work is… just like any other profession. There are pros, cons, and – guess what! – gals who ain’t from the wrong side of the tracks won’t go loco if they partake in it. What’s so scary about that? Everything, according to some.
I suppose I’m intrigued because of Audacia recounting her experiences at Columbia recently. Apparently, a prof shot down her thesis about sex workers in the middle class because she just couldn’t believe that some whores could possibly be educated, independent women who also happen to be prostitutes. And many of us believe this precisely because these sex workers are pressured to silence themselves, to keep their means of income a secret because of the incredible social stigma they will endure as a result! It’s fascinating, isn’t it? It’s yet another example of how we “cook the data”; tamper with evidence so that our prejudices are confirmed and reinforced. I’m glad that voices out there like College Call Girl can prove these memes wrong, even if we’ll never know the face attached to the lovely writing. Maybe we will, someday.
Comments
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Oscar the Observer, Feb 25, 11:29:
Wow, what a plague of heartattacks this country will have if sex workers come out of the closets all of a sudden sarcastic.
Yeah, I agree with you. Though I will not use the service, I strongly support sex work if it is completely under the woman’s control because gasp her body is her own!
Preach on! :)
Lux, Feb 25, 20:49:
The regular escort scene on the level of pay I work for (or even much less) is in my (non disclosed) city so clean and filled with educated, eloquent, girls who study or carry other day time jobs and struggle with relationships, not drugs & abuse. But even when, like myself, white girls from rather semi-affluent backgrounds “chose” to do this, it’s far from as simple as stamping “conscenting adult” in our foreheads and referring back to the rational listing of reasons of why we do this “Confessions” for example stated. Ones intentions, and how things and ones mental state end up, floats around like an erratic current. Confessions post named “The Bad & The Ugly” tells us there’s more going on than meets the eye at the introductory level of her blog.
Isil, Mar 4, 12:34:
Tough subject.
I see no real control or freedom in having to work doing something we dislike to attain a certain level of income/quality of life.
Talk about social co-ed. Be someone.
Which is ussualy deceptive and mostly always not good enough.
I think thats true for any any job but kinda even riskier for ones that expose yourselves psichologicaly.
I guess it all comes down to a case by case situation, but i wouldnt salute them all under the “Yay you own your body” flag.
Kate, Mar 10, 03:50:
This article is great. I’m also a fan of “Confessions,” and your perspective is really interesting.